Monday, July 31, 2006

The Special Olympics Of Driving

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Life In The Corporate Lane

Friday, July 21, 2006

Ordering Pizza In 2012

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDM first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's, 3897950001-54-66689.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Phelps. I see your E-mail address is, and that you live at, 8257 Private Drive. Your home phone number is, 505-7633, your office number over at Brave New World Insurance is, 254-7697 and your cell number is, 733-7433. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I’m at home. Where’d you get all this information?

Operator: We’re wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We’re wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. It will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well — I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator: That may not work either, sir. Your checking account is also overdrawn.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^*^&$%^$@#!

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

One of the underlying themes for the novel The Unbearable Lightness Of Being is how people would prefer that the state make their choices for them, as they are too overwhelmed to make their own choices. We would like to think otherwise, but, when taking a good look at our society, it becomes painfully clear that we do indeed eschew the responsibility of freedom. Certainly, the predator class has done it's level best to keep us under their thumb, but we have met them halfway, and made it all the easier for them to keep us down.

Still, one wonders how it might have been if not for the mental fences surrounding us. Emerson and Thoreau's treatises on self-determination may not have been lost on us. So, how do they do it? Unless one lives in the wild, the answer should be obvious. That television in your house is the devil in your mind. Instead of us going to the carnival, the carnival comes to us, and plays us for every bit the fool. But, it goes much further than that, and the beans have been spilled. Every seven or so years, there is a new "education crisis", and it's out with the old, and in with the new. And, with every turn of the screw, we have gradually become a school-to-work feedstock. Thinking beyond the left-right false dichotomy, much less questioning the validity of one's vote, is seemingly impossible, given the signal-to-noise ratio of the dumbing-down process.

To call attention to this mass-manipulation is, of course, to trigger a well-conditioned mind-set characterized by reflexive ridicule, and a disconnect from rationale. The tin-foil hat meme allows one to bypass the out-in-the-open Kenny Lays and Halliburtons, and to ignore the obvious sociopathic current that runs through our ruling class. At the least, it causes us to focus our mistrust on one entity, while the rest operate in seeming invisibility. It is a neat trick, and it's architects are well-versed in the art of mind control. At the rate things are going, I would hardly be surprised to someday see a majority of Americans on all fours, barking like dogs whenever they start to experience any cognitive dissonance. All bark and no bite is, after all, what we want here. Why bite the hand that feeds us?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

It's A Mexican Standoff

Gee, what a surprise to hear that the Mexican progressive presidential candidate Obrador is getting shafted in a very close election against Fox successor Calderon. It's at the point now where election fraud is just like Christmas- you KNOW it's coming. Just take a look at this from Narconews:

"...Monday morning, Mexican journalist Carmen Aristegui, who hosts the nightly talk show Aristegui on CNN Español, dropped a political bombshell on her popular morning program on XEW radio in Mexico City. There, live on the air, she used the Internet to enter a restricted area on a Calderón campaign website, with the username of Hidebrando117 and a password she received from an unnamed source. There, Aristegui found proof of the electoral cyber-fraud of the century: the entire national IFE voter list cross-referenced with supposedly confidential government information about which voters receive government assistance or contracts from all the federal agencies. Live and on the air she found information about herself, her family members, about the IFE president, and about the PRI presidential candidate.

Moments later, the Calderón campaign shut down that section of its Internet site, but the cat was out of the bag. Much of the Mexican national media ignored the story. But Aristegui repeated it Monday night on the international TV news network CNN and La Jornada – a pro-PRD newspaper, the fourth largest in Mexico – led with the story on Tuesday (on Wednesday, a La Jornada editorial criticized the information blockade by other media, saying “in spite of its relevance, the corresponding information was minimized and even ignored by most electronic and commercial media”)."

Obrador is saying that 3 million votes are missing, and is calling for a hand re-count, while, on the streets, protests are raging. This really takes the cake. The election could actually be annulled as a result of this disclosure. You would think that most American liberals would be following this closely, and making some noise, but they seem to have other things on their minds right now, like World Cup soccer, or whatever else tickles their fancy these days. The relevance of this election will become clear at some point down the line, though, when NAFTA reaches it's horrible economic conclusion. The race to the bottom in this country is a Special Olympics all unto itself. I didn't see too many people in the streets after Bush stole the last election, nor a serious call for a recount, so which is the REAL banana republic?