Brain Salad Surgery

After giving a thrilling and inspiring speech in economically-challenged Cleveland last week, our illustrious leader visited the Cleveland Clinic to perform simulated brain surgery. I would posit that the president has been performing brain surgery all along, and has mastered the art of the full frontal-lobe lobotomy. Given that community, compassion and self-sacrifice are regarded by the elites as tumors to be removed, it's no wonder that hospital staffs are so over-worked, and the president had to be pressed into service.

It's particularly disturbing to note that this simulated surgery involved the implanting of a "deep brain stimulation device". If the purpose of such a device is to stimulate reptile-like responses to false cries of terrorism, and a relinquishing of personal freedom for the sake of an artificial sense of safety, then I would say that such surgery is redundant at best. Dr. Bush's work here is done. If that is not yet evident to one and all, then the evolution of the brain must still be a work in progress, with thousands of years to go before the human mind is fully equipped to think for itself. I guess life just has to be a constant re-reading of Waiting For Godot.

After reading about a guy who survived having a truck run over his head, one has to wonder if a full-functioning brain is even necessary for anything other than comprehending philosophy, or solving the Rubik's Cube. If the average mental road-map contains directions to the nearest 7-11, and can locate the TV remote control, then the rest is just gray matter, and we need not concern ourselves with it. Witness the way airline flights are seemingly scheduled at random, or how the Pentagon can lose a trillion dollars in accounting, and sink back into your comfort zone. The primordial ooze feels good between your toes, doesn't it? Just watch out for that hungry-looking pterodactyl in a suit and tie that has it's eye on you.

In the story Flowers For Algernon, later made into the 1968 film Charly, a retarded janitor is transformed through the miracle of science into a genius. It's a shame that, instead of seeking out such a process, our social planners have gone in the opposite direction. No doubt, it is the simpler of the two tasks, and leaves our rulers with much free time on their hands. What can you say except that all work, no polo leaves a Rockefeller a very dull boy. Mount up, you masters, and ride to the end of the line.