Cabbies By Day, Terrorists By Night

The latest Republican legislator to make a fool out of himself, Sen.Conrad Burns, has crawled out of his hole to say that terrorists "drive taxi cabs in the daytime and kill at night". Well, how good it is to have the finger pointed towards my bretheren and myself. And, all along, I've been shovelling it on Washington, the kings of terror. What could I expect? They've lobbed the ball back into my court. Bastards.

But, I got to thinking, what about some of those turban-wearing guys with the thousand-mile stare that I see leaving the cab yard like they're on a mission? They're the ones who always sit in front of the hotels, looking like they're waiting for some kind of instruction. They never make any money, so why are they out there? Hmmm. Could there be something to this, or are the bus fumes finally getting to me? Dioxin causing some pesky synapse mis-firing? I don't think so. Maybe it's just too much coffee.

You have to admit, it's a lot easier to learn how to drive a cab than it is to learn how to fly a 767. You only have to know right from left; thankfully, up-and-down are not in the equation. And, if you run out of gas, you don't plummet 50,000 feet before coming to a rest. So, I can see the appeal. Cab school only takes a couple of days, and there's donuts enough for everyone. If you're going the Florida flight school route, you're dodging hurricanes and alligators, and you've really got to bear down. When they show the video on how to descend 5,000 ft. in one big spiral and level out at ground level in time to hit a five-sided building, you'd better be paying attention. Allah will send you to the land of wind and ghosts for a good long time if you belly up and choke on the big test.

I wonder what the taxi terrorists have planned. Ramming into our beloved San Fran trolley cars and spilling everybody out would be some serious shock and awe. Imagine the footage being shown over and over on CNN and FOX. The outrage and indignation would sweep the nation. Or, maybe a fleet of taxis take out the toll booths on the Golden Gate Bridge. That would have young Americans enlisting at every turn. They just better not do that.

At any rate, I'm sorry to see my craft besmirched by this clown. I'm not down with terror, but if he ever got in my cab and introduced himself, it would take all the self-control I have to not tune some loud, blaring middle-eastern music on the radio, and take him for a tour of the city at 75 mph. The bastard would have it coming to him.