Sunday, September 09, 2007

Map-Maker, Map-Maker, Make Me A Map

By now, we've all heard Miss South Carolina's answer to the question of why Americans can't find the U.S. on a map. Despite the fact that she seemed to be speaking in code, her answer is resonating with the millions who have watched the video. They no doubt revel in their superiority as they compare their intellect to that of an 18 year-old beauty pageant bimbo. And thus, the bar is set even lower still. Somewhere, Kurt Vonnegut is spinning in his grave.

It's unfortunate that our favorite beauty queen missed an opportunity to give an original and informed answer to her question. She could've said that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find anything on a map, given that man-made incursions are causing our maps to be re-drawn faster than anyone can keep up with. Between global warming and ambitious lake-draining projects causing changes to our landscape, it's hard to know what the real geography is anymore. And, what with all the geopolitical growing pains we suffer, it's hard to know where the borders are. Map-making is getting to be like painting the Golden Gate Bridge- as soon as you're done, you have to start over again. I sure wouldn't want that job.

I wonder what maps will look like by the year 2020. This one would be interesting, but it's probably more than you could hope for. You don't need a map to know that, to find a peaceful and rational future, you can't get there from here. If I had the proper resources, I'd leave this country in a crystal meth minute, but what's the use? No matter where you go, there you are. Welcome to South Carolina.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you ever get serious about quitting the frying pan of America don't fall into the fire of the UK. Our political centre ground has moved firmly to the right just as yours has and our health service, which Michael Moore seems to think is so wonderful, is constantly lurching from one crisis to another - the plaything of political rivalries. We've even got your crappy tv now. No, go where the people are more reserved, less competitive. If you can stand the cold, the long nights, the empty roads and the pin-drop silence, try Scandinavia - they've got cars, fridges and houses same as the rest of us and with global warming increasing and the reindeer grazing season lengthening they may soon become the next real estate hot property. Not unlike miss South Carolina.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Pissedoffcabbie said...

Scandinavia would be nice. Lots of pretty blondes, but THEY can read a map and stand on one foot at the same time.

3:03 PM  

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